Now he wants to compensate, asking me to meet them in KL or Genting. Do you really think that he can make up for it now? I'm not on leave anymore, I have got work and i only got one day off. You think i can squeeze it all in one day? You think that All i have to do is pack up and go? You think I really have the mood to go right now? I cried the whole night, I feel like shit and you think just by asking me go, he can compensate me for what i feel?

He never did consider how his actions or words might hurt me. It's just like that night at Can Cafe, on our anniversary. He said " You know me, I don't care who you know, I just do what I want." He doesn't even care if that pisses me off, or he doesn't care what it means. To me, it means he has no regards for me, or who ever i know is not important at all, cos i am not important and i am not an equal in a relationship? The very next day he brushes it aside. Why is it that my feelings were never considered, why is it that whatever i think and whatever i feel not important to him at all? All he wants to do is just what he wants to do and whatever i want to do is brushed aside. Am I unreasonable to be angry? Am I stupid to make a mountain out of a molehill?

Everytime he brushes things aside, I swallow, but now there is too much to swallow. There is a limit to what i can take and he just hit the limit of my tolerance already. I have beared with everything and knowing him, he will just say, he doesn't see the need to explain, to justify what he has done or what he is doing, cos there is no case for me to fight against him. He always makes me feel like the problem is me. He always makes me feel that what ever I do and say abt him is uncalled for and he isn't at any fault. No matter what, he always makes me feel like i am at fault. Is it always my fault? Sure I made mistakes in this relationship and i know they were major mistakes, but does that mean that he isn't a fault? Does that mean he is always the saint in this relationship? He has made me feel so bad and so guilty about it and he tells me that He wants to move on in life and he wants me to be a part of it. He also said that if i don't buck up, he will have to do what he has to do. I know, but what abt how i feel? Everytime, he makes it sound like it's His relationship. Where is the Us? Where is the Me in this? I don't see the Me in this relationship anymore. Everytime thinking that what i feel and my actions are so small and redundant already.

I have cried the whole night, I have cried so hard, I have never cried so hard and All i know, it might be all wasted cos he doesn't really even care about how i feel anymore, he just do wat he wants to do. That's all that matters to him. It's what HE Wants, not what I want that is important. It's what HE thinks that is important. It is who HE knows that is important. He goes around insulting my friends, he sometimes says things about my dad, he goes around thinking that all my friends have no taste in guys, he goes around saying things about my family. He thinks he is that good. His cockiness annoys me and never, he has never once think of how it has affected me. He will always say that i take him too seriously and take all his jokes too seriously. But when do i know it is a joke and when it is not one? Does he really take pleasure in winding me up so bad? Does it make him happy that I am feeling miserable and feeling so sad? Doesn't he know how the aftermath of his actions affect me, How much it stings, how much it really really hurts me, cuts me and makes me feel so damn miserable?