The Old Me... Have youe ever wondered about that? Do you even remember what you were like before this person entered your life? I remembered a time whereby I was reckless, daring, independant, aggressive and do decisive on what I want to do and what I want in life. Everything was Me, Me and only Me.. till I met him, My Roadster. He changed my life totally, showed me what I am, showed me what I can achieve and yet then again, it isn't really me.

The New Me... Calm, collective, Still aggressive but know how to be submissive rather then fight and I am non confrontational, even though I would like to think otherwise. Also Tolerance of pain really increased, be it physical and emotional..

Think about it.. three Tattoos, a mulitude of heartaches and pented up frustrations at the fact that he doesn't listen at times and the distance.. Either I have become a pain junkie or I have turned numb...

The recent cold spell between us was really bad as he told me that he doesn't feel as if he was part of this relationship. That really hurts.. but I told him that he did the same to me before and have been doing so.. Will it make a difference if I did it as well? Apparently, it did... he didn't want to talk to me.. I didn't want to make the first move to talk to him... so we didn't talk for a week.. This is the first time it became such pure torture that I practically wanted to cry.. and I was crying inside till I cracked. I can't tell him how I feel... Till I was listening to Daniel Beddingfield's If you're not the one..

I know I know.. that's the most cliche song ever, but it really showed my feelings at that time.

"If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all"

Will I be able to have the strength to stand alone when you have always been by my side?

"If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?"

My heart aches when I don't see you nor hear you...

"If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?"

Being apart from you makes me feel lost, and hurt....

"I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life"

You are home, You are my comfort, my shelter, my solace, my joy...

"'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side"

No matter how far apart we are, I will alway be there.. I will alway be at your side till your final breath...