Wounds of the heart has been slowly pry open and when you least expected It suddenly opens and you feel the pain of someone else. The "Confused Soul" has just fallen and fallen hard. As he crashed to the ground, The Little Jade Queen feels the pain and carries it silently in her being, as she is unable to express the hurt that he has inflicted on himself. She is unable to give him comfort and unable to tell him that no matter what, there is always tomorrow. As you know there are somethings that one person have to do for themselves. I mean, even though i am denying the fact that i am in denial, and in depression, i know very well that i am in depression and denial. How did i manage to do it, i have not idea and I realised how long i have been in Denial. How can he affect me? How can I feel the things he have gone through? He has lost so much of himself that I have come to know and had once loved. That glimmer in his eyes, the smile, the laughter and the tenderness onced shown, all buried and thought to have died together in the Storm.. but it's now surfacing... THe distruction and Confusion begins...

Looking back on things that have happened, something inside of me is like trying to crawl out of the depths that have been buried. However, I do not what it to surface. The Affection for the "Confused Soul" has been trying to surface, but however The Little Jade Queen hides it so well behind her jaded mask of indifference. At this Moment in time, the Little Jade Queen tries to reason why she will still condsider the "Confuses Soul", but there is a strong reminder that he's someone whom can't love her or someone she can't love at all. "That boy's just A walkaway Joe Born to be a leaver Tell you from the word go, destined to deceive her He's a wrong kinda paradise She's gonna know it in a matter of time That boy's just a walkaway Joe." The Little Jade Queen can't help feeling for him and yet she knows that He's destined to be someone who can only walk in and out of her life and someone who will shatter the very spirit and heart of the fragile Little Jade Queen. The "Confused Soul" has given friendship and thus the Little Jade Queen rather remained it that way and Leave it all to the unknown and not into I should have known or Could have done...

The Little Jade Queen looks back on the wall, scarred with marks and gourges, she traces her fingers over them and smiles as she sees how far the wall streches and all the marks the marr the big marble expanse. These are all the battle scars she had to carry and she carries them proudly. They are like signs of Growth and how much I have been through. This morning's Conversation with the Roadster made me realise how much can one person love another, even if the person have done a shit load of shit. Given what i have done to the Roadster, he said words that i never thought to come back to haunt me and turn the tables around on me "Why do You love me so much? I'm a mess, a screw up." And yet the answer given was clear enough for me "Love is unconditional, Love can conquer multitudes of Sin." I never did think that these word would return or surface. Which brings me to think whether love is so great or is it like a conquest. "Maybe I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone Before I knew you I've seen your flag On the marble arch Love is not a victory march It's a cold and It's a broken Hallelujah." This is love.. the path that have to be walked again, I wear the battle scars proudly and i walk with my head held high, as this is me.. the Little Jade Queen. "Maybe there's a God above And all I ever Learned from love Was how to shoot At someone Who outdrew you It's not a cry You can hear at night It's not somebody Who's seen the light It's a cold and It's a broken Hallelujah." No One can try to understand you, but I can see it in your eyes, the pain, the suffering, the adoration, the love and hope that still lingers in your eyes. Though You hide it so well, and though no one can see it, it's there, for I can feel your pain, see your agony, and yet I can never heal....

Eyes look at u, what do they reflect? What do u see? Over the year, The Little Jade Queen remenince her first love, the innocence and purity of it all.. now Looking back, where has it gone? It's unclear how as kids we see the world differently as we do now.. I guess when we were younger there is just clarity of everything, the pureness, the joy of the simple things and the sheer beauty of things. Over the years, Cynicism, skepticism, and the acceptance how this is how the world must go, have blinded us in a on going realisation that we did lose that innocence and we don't see things as it is.. We always question and ponder why. The Little Jade Queen witness the literally tearing of the human spirit, bit by bit, piece by piece, the way it eats a person inside and the way they are like maggots, tunneling till all is left is a hollow shell... And yet that person is grasping for something that they do not know if it is there or where to start looking for it. "How do You love a person who doesn't have a heart? How do You love a person who can't find his heart? How do you love a person who doesn't even know where is his heart?" Witnessing the Transistion of the "Confused Soul" to "Fallen One" has been the hardest thing The Little Jade Queen have to witness.. Even though part of her has died with the "Confused Soul" she knew eons ago, she refuses to relinquish the bond and the friendship.. by constantly standing on the ground where she knows he can reach her.. When she herself, doesn't even know where to start mending her own heart and her own emotions...