"The Little Jade Queen looks beyond the horizon and sees a misty sunrise.
Inwardly she smiles as her calm expression never fickers. But deep inside her,
there is this edging, this urge, this desire and this premonition that
something, something big is going to happen, something important that will
change her, but in order to change her, it must break her will, break her
spirit, break the walls of contempt, walls of hurt, walls of betrayal and her
walls of solitude." I was reading this book i bought from Popular. It's
"Thoughts on Virture." Under The Forbes Leadership Library series. It's a
collection of thoughts and reflection from History's Great thinkers or simply a
book of inspiring quotations (Which I so love) I've been going through alot of
thought processing, and I have been thinking of me, myself as a person.
(Readers: "Oh there she goes with the narcissitic Ego." Little Jade Queen: " Not
in that way.. It's more like trying to look at myself through someone else's
eyes and looking at myself as a person.. meaning i put myself in ur shoes and
see how my behavior and character looks like to other pple lah." Readers:
"OOOHHHH.... That way nor... okie okie.. continue..." *Little Jade Queen shakes
head*) I mean, there is a lot of things I have been contemplating.. My
relationship with my family... my relationship with my friends.. my relationship
with Roadster.. my relationship with myself..

Family bonds are closer now.. I'm losing loads of friends.. cos maybe it's my
punishment on how I have been treating them.. My relationship with Roadster..
THat one I seriously lost. It's like we are together and yet we are not
together... We might wanna do this, and yet we are not doing this? U know what i
mean? This hide and seek, this cat and mouse came, this cop and robber, this
"olly olly oxen free, come and get me" game. Both of us know what we want.. but
do we wanna get it? Nooo... we wait for the other bugger to do it.. Sheesh this
will never end... Then there is the relationship with myself.... I have this
love hate thing with me.. this arrogant pride, and yet wallowing in doubt and
confusion with my person. I'm an emotional roller coaster, with tidal waves of
feelings, thoughts, expressions and yet brimming with love for myself.. and yet
do I really honestly love myself...

Reading Quotes makes me think.... Think Whether I could find something to
guide me through this... My life.. I have no sense of direction and yet still
aimlessly walking around, searching..... One of those nights, I was walking
aimlessly around orchard road by myself.. not knowing where to go, what to do..
or who to call... I sensed a deep sense of Loneliness, and I begin to doubt my
ability as a person, and as a friend...

That night, I ended up at KinoKyunia and I got the Archangels Oracle cards..
Seems good... When I started the reading, I felt a tingling sensation and I
kindda felt comforted by the results.. I did this reading on whether I would go
overseas.. the cards that came out was "Victory", "Passion" And "Gentleness".
The first card is the reason behind the current situation, The second one is the
truth behind the current situation and the last card is the outcome of the
situation. What these cards tell me is that I strive to achieve what I set forth
to do with my life, I need the passion, be it for my life or my love for life,
in order to put into place of my current situation, but I need to execute it
carefully and with gentleness and femininty of a woman in order to succeed...
(Readers : *Waving a finger* "U Bad Bad Bad Queen... U believe in God and yet u
deal with Occult things.. Condemn u! Condemn U to..." Little Jade Queen :
*Shakes Head* I did no such thing. Sure I know it's Occult.. but I was calling
upon ArchAngels, such as Micheal, Gabriel, Azaphale.. I wasn't calling some Voo
doo, Mambo Jumbo, Weird spirit... It's linked back to the healing powers of
God." *Readers ponders...* Readers : *Scratch head* Is there so many angels? How
come I don't know?" Little Jade Queen : *pats Reader's on the back* I'll tell u
more about Archangels when I have the time... cos there are stories behind them
and what their names mean.. and what their duties are.") I do feel comforted
after I did a reading and I didn't feel that alone anymore.. Cos I know that
everyone has angels watching over them.. and they can carry all your hurt and
dispair and give u hope.. My faith in my religion is also renewed cos my family
and I now go to church every sunday together, just like we use to.. the family
ties must be built, even though all of us have different things, and are at
different paths of our lives.

Speaking of family bonding, My Bro, my Sis and I are getting closer and we are
bonding more. This is becos, I play the games they play and we recently started
talking more to each other, especially my brother and me.. We talk more often to
each other now, even though there is still distance between us.. but at least we
are talking and listening to each other.. We recently bought this hasbro set of
CD games to play and we are now addicted to Clue.. U know Cluedo? (Readers :
"It's Mrs White in the Kitchen with a Lead pipe!") Yeah that game.. the graphic
is so cool and when they make an accusation, a window pops up and shows a little
video.. It's like u are the victim and they are killing u... That's soooo freaky
at first.. then It started to get soo cool and so fun.. Well, there is also
Monopoly and the GAME of LIFE!! now that's fun.. cos they are games that I can
FINALLY Play.. LOL sad but true.. i am not very much a game junkie.. but there
are simple games for a simpleton like me to play...

Will I ever find that something that can fill that void in my life? Would I? Can I?