Time check, it is now 1011hr on a Hari Raya Puasa Holiday and I just woke up.. I'm getting groggy again and well, woke up listening to music. Was surfing for pictures the other day and saw something... THIS I GOTTA PUT UP
That's really funny. I didn't know there are twenty ways to play with a "Pussy Cat" If you catch my drift. Honestly.. I've always thought for guys; it's every hole's a goal.. I didn't expect stuff like that.
I guess it's pretty clear that I am lonely and besides, even though the Roadster is still going after me, it's a kind of different feeling.. maybe because he's not here and I have turned away into a fantasy world where I can find some solice towards life and towards men. (Not that it gives me such comfort anymore.) For once I wish i don't have to pretend being the way I am, the cute bubbly, nice buddy gal friend that every guy is cool with.. I mean.. I wish I could for once be the Biatch that I am.. the gloomy soul.. the inner child released.
It was the same Dream I had, Over and Over,
For nights on end, the scene was the same.
I ran blindly through the forest, through the cold silent winter's night.
The wind howling by my ears as I ran.
But what was I running away from?
What was chasing me from where I have come?
I turn to look around and suddenly I fell,
I continue to fall into an abyss that suddenly surrounds me.
As darkness slowly engulfs me, I felt someone's touch on me.
It starts as a gentle caress, moving over my body.
Slow and tender, sensual and yet somewhat comforting.
I close my eyes to the sudden assult to my senses.
Then a whisper could be heard, right next to my ear.
Breathless words pass through those lips as I strain closer to decipher them.
Gentle whispers as I felt arms go around me.
Someone breathes next to me, calling.. whispering...
"Me Corezon"... "Mi Amore"... "My Love"...
Words that mean the same thing, and yet so different when said.
He calls to me, calling out my name in a deadly whisper as he catches when I start to fall.
He cradle me in his embrace and wraps his wings around me as if I am a porceline doll, made of the finest china.
Brittle, fragile and yet treasured and protected. As the invisible bonds ties the both of us in a loving embrace.
Bond that can never be torn away, Bonds that can never be taken apart.
For it is eternity that we are to be together.. to be one and yet two different >
beings walking on the face of this ungodly world.
For you are my fallen warrior.. My fallen Saviour..
As I continue to have this Hidden Rendevouz with you...
My Forbidden Love...
My Untainted Dreams...
My Fallen One...
My Sacrifice....
My Unseen Rendevouz....
Time Check! It's 0627hrs on a Wednesday morning the 2nd of November 2005. It's the eve of the Hari Raya Pusa Holiday and yesterday was the Depavalli holiday. Now I'm getting ready to go to go to work.
Time to work on my other blog skins, especially for my devil's addiction blog. It's been a while since I updated most of my blogs, mainly because I've been brain dead. I need a muse man... Something to stimulate my creative juices working, to make sure the chemistry flow..to keep my fantasy alive. It's impossible in my house as there is no privacy. I mean to me, Privacy is totally important, especially when it's time for bed. I mean, I know I have a computer in my room, which I use to all my stuff, like my stories and my blogging and my chatting, but when it comes to the time for me to my head down for a rest, I mean I hate it when my dad lingers around my comp and I need to sleep. Just like last night! I mean I gave him the whole day to use the comp and yet he still want to linger around past 1 am. I am a sensitive light sleeper and When I am about to sleep, I need total privacy and silence, with no radiation whatsoever. (Readers: You sure or not? I tot you sleep like the dead or it is just an excuse to play with your toy? *Little Jade Queen gasps and blushes* Little Jade Queen: Excuse me... I think it's my private life and It's my business if it is. Readers: Awww come on.. I know you have a private video and Hentai Collection.. no need to be shy! *Little Jade Queen blushes More!)
All I ask was a little privacy... I mean that's all I need to day dream, find my muse, my inspiration to continue writing. I mean The 5th gear book has been in shelved for a while and well I haven't went past even the first 2 pages in Within.. SO I don't really know how can I get it going again. Maybe I need to meet more people who can stimulate me intellectually. OR maybe I should stop trying to be a writer or maybe stop trying anything that interest me... However that isn't so true about who I am... I am Jade... I live life with the facination of a 5 year old, where Wonders never cease, PAssion never dies and wisdom is on going... How can I just call it quits just like that, not after being the way I am for the past years of my existance... My poor mundane existance which just needs something to spark off and ignite the passions, my dark secrets and my unsatisfied passion for love, life and the forbidden attraction to a certain breed of men... who will reveal me.. the real me, who doesn't need to hide behind my smiles, my bubbly character... One who can see me for the way I am... Simply me... Just Jade... Simply JAde... A Tainted recluse, hiding away from the world, only to seek solice in my own little world....
As I said before, the blog is for me to release all my mental clutter of my daily soul-searching and my mental fatigue that has toiled me down in the journey called my life. The fustrating thing now to is to get my radio blog to work. I am playing something of the maker of the blog skin, next I'll play my own once I figured out how to the htmls and web hosting works.
I'm now in a situation whereby I am confused about my status quo (*Readers: Weren't you attached to the Roadster and aren't you both very much in love, from what we remembered? Little Jade Queen: "Yea, we were, but well, shit happened again and he kindda said four words that really take the cake and enough's enough." Readers: That bad eh?" *Little Jade Queen nods*) Yeah, He did it again, and it was the fourth time that he has done that over the past three years plus of our relationship. It was time to call it quits.. Yeah YEah I know all of you peeps are gonna say that we are eventually gonna get back together again, but when is the question. Honestly I can hear all of you placing your bets already on how long is this gonna last and quite frankly, I ain't too sure about it either. *LOL* I'm just hanging on for the ride and hopefully I won't get myself too smashed up or too suckered into it again. Besides, he gotta learn that I am not his PUNCHING bag or something to be chucked aside. I am a woman and Damnit his woman.. if he can stop treating me like something that he can only come to when he wants three things, SEX, COmfort and Affection.
Anyway these days been busy with my ebay thingy, my siblings, my work and my game... I've been playing RBO and watching anime more often than usual. I haven't been writing cos I have been brain dead for the past few months and well Sesshomaru and whoever aren't helping being my muses... Maybe it's the lack of sex... Correction.. it's the LAck of great sex and chemistry.. I mean even Mr. U Know who ain't amusing anymore and the kind of guys I have been meeting ain't exactally been Mr. Stimulation in both the mental and chemistry aspect. *Sigh* I wish Roadster would get back here.. at least I know what I am looking forward to the direction I am going.. or Maybe Steph, Damien or whoever was my exs would catch up with me for stuff.. I mean Wolf's married now.. and I don't have anyone to really manja to... Jana is super busy.. and i really need to catch up with her.. that Woman.. always like that one.. But even so, I'm kindda glad that she misses me at times enough to msg me.. and ask how i am.. Then there is christmas on the way and I am up to my Usual card making and planning for gathering.. *IF I CAN MANAGE TO PULL IT OFF* haven't been that good at it lately.
All I know one thing, I Finally have time to really love and take care of myself and think for myself for once. I don't have to worry for anyone or take care of anyone now... MUAHAHAHAHA THink I am evil? Nope.. think again.. it's time for this Bitch to start partying and working hard towards something that I have put off for a damn long time... Myself, My body, my heart, and My mental well being, and my Spirituality....
"I have found my way back.. back to the path that leads me down to my hidden haven... My hidden Haven inside your embrace.. Safely in your arms.. For you are my Forbidden Desires, My untainted Dreams, My Sinful Temptations.. For I am the Demon's Bride.. The Siren Of The Dark Lord... My Fallen Angel.."