I have been contemplating for the past week. I'm stressed, tired, emotionally drained and disheartened by the events that has transpired over this period of time. I do wonder what went wrong and yet, I still seek for answers. Do I love him? Yes. Does he love me? Yes, but why don't I feel it there anymore? Do I need him physically there, or for him to tell me that he loves me, in order for me to feel it? I contemplate upon that. I relished back on the intensity of the power of our attraction to each other, be it emotional, character-wise or physical. There is something there that binds me to him, this strong chain that is shackled to my ankle and my heart to him.

I remember when he was back here in Singapore, the time he surprised me by coming back early from Thailand, moments when he comes to the shop to pick me up from work. Those moments really cheered me up and made me feel so much more for him. His smiles, His cheeky remarks, his hugs and his kisses, all of these compliment my emotions and my bond with him. I remember when he kisses me, his arms around me, body pressed up against mine, with me clinging to him as our lips mated with each others. The lust, the urge, the intensity of the desire to feel more with our hands and our hearts.

I don't think the physical bonding our our bodies were just purely driven by the plain blind lust. There is something underlying beneath it. It's never just sex, the physically exchange of two bodies. I believe that there was love and we were confirming our feelings for each other. I guess it was at those moments, I was made vunerable, when I feel unprotected from emotional harm and fear was more imminent than I have ever felt. He's the puppet master as I am his puppet to manipulate, to do as he please. He's the Chess Master as I am just his pawn in this game we play. Carefully thought out is the path we take through unchartered territory of what is to come and the unknown.I have placed all my faith, my hope, my dreams and my love all on him, and I only hope he will guide me, lead me to something that both of us are looking for.

But he isn't talking to me. I always believe that if I want to change a person, it would always start with myself and I do not have to use force to do so, All I need is patience and sincerity to do so. A person does not see with his eyes, but he sees with his heart. He can feel the emotions and messages from another's heart. I only hope he does feel mine.....