I've been on an anime marathon recently as well as a youtube video addict of late.
Recently I've watch tenjo tenge and all my other anime, but one anime I have suddenly become an addict to. I've only seen episode one to five and yet it struck a deep cord in me. Is it because I crave for something similar or do I crave for a love like that?

I mean I agree that Loveless is a bit Yaoi... (Readers: "Yaoi? What the hell is that?" Little Jade Queen: "For those who don't know Hentai terms, Yaoi is guy on guy, while Yaori is girl on girl, and Benshou is Hot guys or whatever." Readers: "WHAT? I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT!! You are a bit sick!" *Little Jade Queen shakes her head.* Little Jade Queen: "I'm not sick.. I'm in a perfectally 100% Hetrosexual relationship. It's just that the weridest things always manage to interest me and yet strike a cord in me.") Anyway, the story is about this elementary school boy called Ritsuka. Well he's cute with black cat ears (Kindda like the anime Black Cat) but these people, when they grow up, loses their ears. His life was turned upside down when his brother Seimei was killed. Here's the interesting part. His brother's name has a meaning, just like Ritsuka. The meaning of Seimei's name is Beloved : He who loves, while Ritsuka's name means Loveless : He who has not love. It's a rather complex story plot as his brother, Seimei, left behind his "Fighter" to protect Ritsuka. This is the really werid thing, the fighter is this university student called Soubi. And Soubi has this really cool, silent and yet unrelentlessly self sacrificing attitude towards Ritsuka, but he was ordered by Seimei, before Seimei was killed. But as the story goes on, there is this development between Ritsuka and Soubi. It's weird, other than the fact that Soubi is willing to do anything for Ritsuka, die for him, kill for him and be there for him anytime he calls, or the fact when they do a spell battle that Soubi keeps kissing Ritsuka... (Readers: "THAT's VERY GAY not to mention PEDEOPHILE!" Little Jade Queen : "I Know, but there is something much deeper there. It's not that clear, but there is something much deeper there that I felt. and I wasn't swooning only cos of Soubi being so hot.. so much hotter than Sesshomaru." *Readers Open eyes wide in shock* Readers: " This Soubi Guy is HOTTER THAN YOUR DROOL KING, SESSHOMARU?!" *Little Jade Queen blushed and nods*)

What struck me is Ritsuka's need for love where he got none from his mother, and the death of his brother left him shattered and lonely, his pain where Soubi suddenly appears to care, protect, fight and love him. His denial to trust anyone and yet time and time again, Soubi is willing to lay everything down and sacrifice. There is this deep feeling, and it's not just the point of this being gay. It's like the fear of losing something dear and yet grasping to hold on to something that you are able to cherish and yet be cherished at the same time. I was like taken aback by a scene where Soubi asked Ritsuka to pierce his ears for him, as a sign that they have connected, that the pain will show the bond between both of them and the eternal scar that he will carry to remember his emotions for Ritsuka. The eternal scar to carry... does he means spiritually as well as bodily? We all, in one way or another, carry eternal scars through the journey called our lives. We all try to reach our hands for something, to grasp to someone who can offer us comfort, selfless love, and yet we carry the fear to love the person or to trust the person as well. The Longing for something that is seemingly like a fairytale to us, the unrealistic ideal of a fantasy world that we try to recreate. Therefore, I ask, is a loveless love forbidden or is it forbidden to love a loveless person? Can it be possible that the purity of love or what love embodies; Sacrifice, Selflessness, unceasing, unrelentless, and to live and to die for a person, is found in a love that is totally forbidden and can only be understood by those who sense the emotions?


Forbidden


I have walked through these paths alone,
I have never once saw the light of the day,
I have never felt the serenity that the night brings,
And yet, you have appeared,
Offering a hand,
showing me a chance to feel love and be loved.


As you offered me your hand,
I look at it with disbelief,
Not daring to even trust.
But the longing in my heart cries out,
And you have come to answer its cries,
How can it be, for I am being punished for sins,
Sins that cannot be washed away,


But there you are,
With the promise of comfort, peace and love,
You said to me that you live for my sake,
And you will sacrifice your life just to see me safe,
What comfort do I get,
For you trying to redeem my tortured soul?
Have you not seen the fear in my eyes?
Have you not taste the insecurities when our lips touch?


Yet you are always there,
Never leaving my side,
Always giving, never asking.
Your only wish is to love me and be loved by me.
Will I accept or will I cower in the shadow of doubt
In this hope you have offered my condemmed soul.
The comfort you have offered me,
The shelter you have given me,
Even though you know I am undeserving of love,
And yet willingly you give.
I am not the Beloved,
And yet you loved the Loveless.


With the words you bring,
Come the bonds of eternity,
the Chains that binds us together,
as you live as I live,
You die as I die.
You promised that you'll do anything and everything I want,
You always be there for me,
Always for eternity.