Have you ever read back the posts from your blog from years ago? I recently did and I read the very first blog posting I have written in 2004. The Little Jade Queen has progressed in more ways than one. The "Temptress", The "Confused Soul", My Femme, The Innocence and The Roadster. All have made me grow in a way that I can never regret ever meeting them. The one that has changed me the most is not really The Roadster. It's apparently the appreance of The "Temptress" and The "Confused Soul". If I had to admit to myself, I can honestly say that they did make a difference and made me realise the depth of the relationship between The Roadster and Myself. Looking back 5 years ago, it was hard for me to realised what kind of situation I was really in when I was involved with them but now I had the chance to step out of it.. I realised that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as brave and gutsy as I thought I was. Maybe I wasn't that callous and unaffected by anything. That I was not indestructable. I guess there was some degree of hurt and betrayal, but somehow I managed to get through it.. and yet survive. I mean, I do think about the times spent, what we did from time to time, but I also do wonder, how was it possible to be betrayed by two people whom I really do feel alot for.

They said an Aries will love with an intensity and with such passion that it would engulf the other party and burn them, but somehow I didn't really think so at that point of time... Did I love The "Confused Soul", I reluctantly admitted I did to myself after 1 and a 1/2 years of trying to deny and to fight anything. Did I love The "Temptress"? I did, but not with the same intensity. I was the "Male" in that relationship and yet I managed to love her with the indifference of the likes of my other exs who showed me indifference, due to my size and my character.. I was behaving as they were, when I myself was a female.. Sigh.. I guess to hide from my own insecurities, I sometimes try too hard not to exhibit.. but then again, the more I try to do so, the more the feeling overflows... I guess I can never stop loving people with that intensity.. which at time cause me to feel hurt that I cannot really describe..

But I am thankful for that event that has happened... If not I would not have met the friends that I have now.. who are willing to stand by me and be with me through thick or thin, no matter the distance. It really makes me grateful for that.. It also make me feel grateful for finally deciding and stick to being with The Roadster... he changed me as well and taught me to love myself. I see us day by day.. the love and respect growing.. It's hard to believe that he himself has changed as well.. He seems a lot more wiser and not as fool hardy and hot tempered at he was before... I guess that's what we call being familar with each other, being use to each other's presence and We won't know if we made the right decision till we are at our death beds...

I don't think the Little Jade Queen then and the Little Jade Queen now is different.. and yet they are not really the same.. aren't they?....